By Deacon Roger Carr-Jones, Marriage and Family Life Coordinator
Summer is not just a season for weddings: it is a season to honour the daily sacrament of marriage, of a love that grows by experiencing the vows in the present moment. This thought came to me when observing our dogs.
One of the many things we love about having dogs is their capacity to live in the present moment. They greet us with open affection, forgive our omissions, and delight in the simple goodness of being alive. Yet, when we return to a familiar walk, they also reconnect with past adventures, following old scents and rediscovering earlier joys. Their memories enrich the moment without pulling them away from it.
These actions bring to mind Anthony de Mello’s words in Awareness, ‘There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have…. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.‘
How often do we waste couple energy comparing, evaluating, or wishing for something different, instead of enjoying the sacrament of the present moment?
In our couple relationship, we can focus on the past or get lost in hopes for the future, whereas dogs show us how to receive the present moment as gift. Being available to our spouse means being present to them and receiving the “now” as reality. Our dogs, wagging their tails, become a barometer of grace: bliss is not something we achieve, but something we notice.
It may seem unusual to draw insights from our pets, but they have helped us focus on the beauty of living in the ‘present moment’ in our marriage. For me, this brings to mind the model of dialogue in Marriage Encounter and the Ignatian Examen. Both require being rooted in the present with attentiveness, honesty, and love.
Marriage Encounter is deeply influenced by Ignatian spirituality and, like the Examen, recognises the importance of noticing and understanding our feelings. The Examen is a prayerful review of the day in God’s presence, helping us recognise His activity, express gratitude, learn from our emotions, and look forward with hope.
In our relationship, the Examen offers a gentle daily pause to notice how we loved each other, where we missed each other, and where God was in it all. It deepens intimacy, strengthens attentiveness, and creates emotional safety: the same gifts we receive through the Marriage Encounter model of dialoguing. Affectionate immediacy is what we aspire to in our marriage, and what our dogs offer so freely. Our dogs respond to our voices and check back with us before running ahead.
We can lose joy in our relationship not because love is failing, but because our attention drifts elsewhere. Joy, tenderness, and connection are available to us at this very moment.
Gratitude for the present moment really matters.
Worldwide Marriage Encounter is a Movement which aims to give couples the opportunity to enrich and refresh their relationships. It also seeks to give priests and religious the chance to reflect on their vocation and enhance their relationship with their parish and community.
