The summer can be a time of heightened stress for married couples. Pressures around work, family routines, finances, and expectations can quietly build, and if left unattended they often lead to emotional disconnection, resentment, and a noticeable rise in separation enquiries. When we face a physical emergency, we instinctively know where to turn for help. Yet when the hurt is within our relationship, many couples assume, incorrectly, that there is no “marital first‑aid kit.” Feelings of failure, imagined social stigma, and what might be called a “crisis fog” can cloud judgement and prevent couples from seeking the support that is available.

The Feast of St Ignatius of Loyola on 31 July offers a timely lens for understanding these experiences. Ignatius teaches that consolation and desolation are not simply private emotions but movements of the heart that draw us either toward or away from God. During his recovery at Loyola, he noticed that some thoughts left him restless and empty, while others brought lasting peace and hope. He named these movements clearly:

• Spiritual Consolation — an interior sense of being lifted, expanded, and drawn toward love, communion, and hope.
• Spiritual Desolation — a shrinking inward, marked by isolation, discouragement, and a turning away from God and others.

These movements are morally neutral; what matters is how we respond to them.

For those accompanying couples in crisis, this Ignatian insight is invaluable. Many couples arrive feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or emotionally numb. What they describe often mirrors desolation: withdrawing from one another, losing trust, and feeling cut off from God’s presence. As Kevin O’Brien SJ notes, desolation fosters isolation and self‑absorption—precisely what we see when communication breaks down or resentment takes root.

Retrouvaille and Marriage Care offer spaces where couples can begin to notice these movements. When a spouse recognises, “I am closing in on myself,” or “I am resisting connection,” they are already taking a step out of desolation. Moments of unexpected tenderness, honesty, or shared vulnerability often signal consolation—movements toward love, communion, and the rediscovery of “we.”

Ignatius’ wisdom is especially helpful in foggy periods. He cautions against making major decisions in desolation. Couples are invited instead to stay anchored, resist withdrawal, and wait for clarity to return. Retrouvaille’s daily dialogue and Marriage Care’s reflective tools echo the Ignatian Examen, helping couples notice what draws them toward life and what pulls them away.

Ultimately, consolation expands the heart and restores the relational horizon. It moves couples from I to We. The “marital first‑aid kit” of Retrouvaille and Marriage Care differ but it is the shared commitment to help couples pause, breathe, and reconnect through practical tools that move them from isolation toward renewed communication, compassion, and hope.

Marriage Care: A national relationship support charity offering counselling, marriage preparation and relationship education. Whether a relationship is under strain, in crisis, or one partner is seeking help alone, Marriage Care provides a safe, professional space to understand what is happening, improve communication, and explore constructive ways forward. Rooted in Catholic Social Teaching and open to people of all faiths and none, its professionally trained volunteer counsellors ensure that support is available regardless of a person’s ability to pay.‘

‘Counselling improved the overall relationship and enabled us to have an open conversation‘

‘I don’t think we would be together without the counselling. We had hit rock bottom and without an outside support we never would have got back up. My partner has a better understanding of his own life and himself which was vital for us’

Retrouvaille: Designed specifically for severely troubled marriages, couples on the brink of separation, or those already divorced who want to try again