By Reverend Roger Carr-Jones, Marriage & Family Life Coordinator (drawn from an article written for http://www.allianceofcatholicmarriageorganisations.org.uk/ )
I have always been fascinated by the time, effort and creativity that goes into the making of quilts.
This interest extends to the fabrics used, the patterns that are designed and especially those quilts that tell a story. In order to enjoy the beauty of the quilt you often need to step back to get a sense of its overall style, before allowing your gaze to focus on the individual details of each panel. One of my children was at school where the class made the gift to their teacher of an embroidered quilt, with each panel reflecting something about their story. It was a very powerful gift of affirmation and a small window into what was important to each child at that stage of their lives.
The image of creating a quilt seems to fit well with the shared ongoing project that creates each panel that makes a marriage. For us, as Christians we are conscious that whether each panel is good, bad, or indifferent it is sown together and held by the thread that is Christ. At the beginning of married life, we bring our own stories and we begin to graft these into the quilt that will reflect our shared journey. When we survey that quilt it is easy to spot the momentous occasions: the wedding, the arrival of children and key events that bring a smile. However, life as we know is not always lived in glorious technicolour and there are times when the colours are more muted, the panel less coherent and story more difficult or even painful.
How will the panel of our shared marriage quilt look for 2020? It certainly won’t be empty even if we have felt that we were treading water or simply trying to cope with living in a new landscape with blurred boundaries. It might only be later that we will notice the little green shoots, or the ways in which our journey into the future has been changed and moulded by these events. Whilst every marriage is unique the pressures couples may feel under at this time are common. This will require holding the needle more carefully in order to craft the scene. That may be very difficult when many couples may be facing uncertainties for the future.
How might we the Alliance of Catholic Marriage Organisations (Alliance) , reach out to those now experiencing the uncertainties borne of lockdown, job insecurity, mental and physical health issues, as well as not knowing at what point life may return to a more stable pattern. I also think of those whose wedding plans are in tatters, coping with constantly shifting sands, and of the stresses that both married and engaged couples may be experiencing. It is into this mix that our Alliance has so much to offer.
When making a quilt you need materials, a readiness to adapt the overall project and gentle guidance from others to help manage the fabrics. The Alliance is, in its own way, a special quilt that has drawn together different charisms, gifts and insights to help couples to discover and rediscover the innate beauty of their ‘project’. This ranges from those who initially help prepare the materials that are needed, those who offer essential repair kits when there is a challenge, to those who refresh and re-equip the sewing box and those who, through the gift of scripture, help to keep each panel held together by the love of Christ.
In this difficult time for all of us, the Alliance have learnt from, and been sustained by, the love, prayers and support of each other. This sense of solidarity reflects in miniature the ways in which each member of the Alliance has reached out to support, encourage and console couples at a time when their voices may not be heard. In this time of trial they have provided a quiet witness of service whether by those who listen to the stories in the counselling rooms, those who have reached out to give enrichment to couples, and those like the Good Samaritan who have crossed the road simply to help?
For me, the image of the quilt acts as a good analogy for the vocation of marriage, the vocation which provides shape and form to the life of the parish. A vocation we are asked to affirm, celebrate and grow.
As we move into a time of living with a pandemic how might the model of the Alliance help you to continue crafting that beautiful quilt that is your marriage story, to provide the materials to mend the patches, to help you find new fabrics and colours and always to sustain you through prayer?