By Deacon Roger Carr-Jones, Marriage and family Life Coordinator for the Diocese of Westminster
Pope Francis has chosen a line from Psalm 71 'Do not cast me off in my old age' as the theme for the 2024 celebration of the World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly. His letter is a balance in our increasingly throwaway culture, to highlight the riches older people bring into our lives, and the real experience of loneliness experienced by them. The elderly are the firm foundation on which the future of society is built, providing stability for the new stones placed upon them. If we fail to recognise this, then we risk bringing the whole edifice of human society down. We need to recognise the danger of the wider move in our society from the focus on ‘us’ to ‘me’. Our true fulfilment in life comes from and is fed by the encounters we have with others, not least those who are older, who quietly shape our lives.
The English are adept at producing novel, idiosyncratic and successful radio programmes, one of which is the obituary show, Last Words. The beauty of this programme is that it moves the listener away from focusing primarily on the chronological events of the person’s life. Instead, its format is created by a myriad of different observations from those who knew the person, or were influenced by them. It is these shared stories, combined with the words and actions of the person, that lie at the heart of the programme. This approach can help us to think more deeply about how our life involves both giving and receiving, and that our encounters with others are frequently life-changing in both directions.
In June my father-in-law died, so the model of Last Words is very much at the forefront of my mind. His death has triggered within the family, a time of analysing and celebrating his life story and its connections. In his final years the soundtrack of his life story was gradually being retuned by Alzheimer's, which resulted in memory loss and greater confusion. However, new conversations developed in which he revealed previously unshared thoughts and memories. It was not unlike viewing aspects of his life through the lens of a child’s kaleidoscope. Just as the kaleidoscope is a toy that preserves children's sense of wonder, these seemingly fractured memories of his life provided shimmering glimpses of his childhood and adolescence. Like those coloured bits of glass in the kaleidoscope, his reminiscences were illuminated by the continued light of his inner life, producing differing yet always alluring effects and coloured patterns.
Just as the light reveals the beauties held within the kaleidoscope, our listening to the stories and insights of the elderly illuminates our own path in life. Meeting a variety of people in the care home I have been struck by the ways in which God continues to work in and through their lives. At the end of our life, we will hear the track of our Last Words programme. Only then will we realise just how much we have shaped and been shaped by those we encountered on the journey. It is a reminder that our life and our stories are not lived in isolation. Rather we are shaped, formed and influenced by those we meet on our journey.
The visits to my father-in-law and opportunities to interact with many other residents in the care home has made very real the call of Psalm 71, which says, 'Do not cast me off in my old age'. Despite the moments of sadness and occasional challenge my life has been enriched. I have learnt from their stories and for a moment being part of the soundtrack of their lives. Again, watching the interaction between residents and the nursery children who visit regularly leaves both enriched and smiling.
In this way we discover that the story of a person’s life is primarily made up of encounters with others and the world. Life is not monochrome or linear, as God only designs in glorious technicolour and complex curves. Similarly it is the myriad of interconnected stories that we celebrate and contribute on this the World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly.
Photo: Medieval alabaster of Joachim & Anna from the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC (Fr Lawrence Lew OP)