By Deacon Roger Carr-Jones, Marriage and Family Life Coordinator
My ministry is focused on the accompaniment of couples from the time of engagement and preparation through to ongoing accompaniment and enrichment. This also includes journeying with individuals who are experiencing separation or divorce. The latter is a reminder that discipleship takes us into places that we might otherwise avoid and where, when we look carefully, the action of the Spirit is ongoing. The language of marriage can provide a useful analogy when thinking of unity among Christians, which is equally relational. The different phases of marriage involve learning new and different languages, not least when there is distance.
Contemporary theology regarding marriage and ecumenism reveals a shift from a purely legalistic understanding, to one that is relational, a model that can foster conversations between the different Christian traditions. In particular, marriage speaks of covenant rather than contract, a sign of God’s Grace and one which holds within it a communal meaning. Marriage is now viewed as shared, transformative and pastoral, rather than a rules-based approach. It is this unitive relational aspect, which lies at the heart of married love from which the procreation of children is a fruit.
Marriage and the family are a ‘community of love’, one which can be mirrored in the context of ecumenism. As with marriage, the couple maintain their personal identities, whilst at the same time developing the ‘we-ness’ that is the hallmark of a life-long healthy relationship. Just as a couple forge a new language, as brothers and sisters in Christ we are invited to do the same. This sense of unity within marriage is not sameness but the invitation to delve into a deeper communion. Marriage, like ecumenism, is a living theology and requires fidelity, an openness to the other, much forgiveness, and establishing a shared life.
In marriage we journey together. It is not a competition. In a similar way ecumenism is built on what is shared, not on the differences. Ecumenical accompaniment as with marriage, requires learning to be sensitive to the needs of one another and accepting differences. Healthy relationships need mutual understanding and support, forgiveness and reconciliation, not harsh judgment or triumphalist language. No marriage survives without forgiveness.
Unity is not perfection but that continual return to being in communion with each other. In the same way our ecumenical journey can require soul-searching, the need to look deep within ourselves, acknowledging and respecting one another in our difference, and being prepared to heal past hurts. Marriage is a covenant, a vocation and not a series of disconnected transactions. In our fragmented world, the commitment to walk together ecumenically in unity, fellowship and shared purposes, mirrors the spouses who are a visible sign of witness of the reconciling love of God.
The language of marriage and that of ecumenical accompaniment illuminate one another. Unity is not a static achievement but as with married love a living relationship sustained by grace.